Arts Leadership: Script Feedback

BFI Academy 2013 Feedback on Outlines

Feedback, Questions and Notes - November 18th

Adam South’s Group;

This idea is great and really works in terms of shock value. However you need to

bring in another level of motivation for the main character or another plot point.

I would suggest doing additional work on the flashback and giving the audience

more information about the fight or why he has been stabbed. Currently

everything that happens feels coincidental and this doesn’t help me identify with

the main character.

Currently I understand that he is a ghost looking at his own body and that by the

end he is dead but what’s the emotional journey?

The ending needs further thought as to how you want the audience to feel.

The world going grey and him having the black hoody are good indicators of

SOMETHING but what is it? I think you are being too subtle at the moment.

 , 2013

Questions to answer

• Why does the day start with sun and birdsong and finish with grey cold?

What has changed for MC since he discovered his own body?

• What world are we in with this film?

• Why does MC get stabbed?

• Why does MC see his own body?

• Why does MC have the black hoody on at the end?

• How should the audience feel at the end?

Notes

• Please give this project a working title and name the characters. These are

not definitive but we need to be able to distinguish your film from others.

• Please use your title as the name of the document so we know which

project it is

• Once you have answered the questions, please put your idea into the

script format I gave you